Q. Help! We are not compatible what do I do?
A. Stop wasting time; end the relationship!

When we realize how difficult it is to change ourselves, we see it's impossible to change others.

Q. I have found someone I think I love. How will I know if we'll really make it?
A. Okay, you have found someone that's compatible, congratulations! Here are some tips on developing a deep relationship based on your character and desire for commitment.

Let's examine some important qualities you should examine to see if you are compatible:

Affection - Do we understand each other's need for affection? Are we comfortable with the way our partner shows affection, or fails to show affection? Is affection something, which is private, or is public affection mutually acceptable? Does either come from a family where affection was an everyday occurrence and therefore something which is expected and appreciated? How does the other feel about this?

Appreciation - Do we appreciate our differences? Can we share both failures and success with an open mind and encourage the other with respect? Are we free to demonstrate our appreciation openly without embarrassment? Do we look for opportunities to share our appreciation for one another? If that basic need is not being met by one or the other, are we willing to stretch creativity and skills to include learning how to do that for the other?

Arguments - Do we fight often? Can we put aside arguments and express our feelings openly and freely with one another? Do we forgive? Do we learn by our arguments and wisely strengthen the relationship through that discussion? Are strategies and new behaviors discussed on how to help avoid arguing over the same issues continuously? Once agreements have been discussed, do both people feel resolved?

Communication - Can we be ourselves and express our feelings with freedom and confidence knowing that the other will not belittle, or take advantage of our vulnerability? Are we free to speak about anything, or are there some things we dare not talk about? Does the other person really listen? Do we understand each other's true emotional, intellectual and spiritual communication?

Decision Making - Can we communicate true feelings and ideas openly? Do we honestly look at all possibilities? Do we seek solutions that meet both our needs, or do we find ourselves in "win-lose" arguments? After decisions are made, does everyone have peace over their choice?

Divorce - If we are considering marriage, is divorce an option if we have hard times? Have we discussed our backgrounds and how our parents dealt with their problems? Is premarital and marriage counseling something we would consider so as to avoid a breakup when problems arise?

Employment - How do we feel about each other's career goals and dreams? Are we in agreement with supporting each other if work schedules are difficult? Can we cope with unemployment possibilities if that should arise?

Family - Do we like each others family? Are our family members on both sides feeling good about our relationship? Do we both treat our own family in a way the other feels comfortable? Is family life a priority?

Friends - Do we like each other's friends? Do our friends feel that we are good for each other, or do they feel we act different and not ourselves when we are around each other? Are our friends helping us realize aspects about each other that we never saw?

Goals - Do we look at our future in similar ways?

Interests - Do we share interests and hobbies or are we easily bored with the others activities? Do we respect each other's abilities and interest? Would we be open to possibly get involved in one another's hobbies?

Maturity - Do we look at each other in terms of lasting qualities such as personality traits, communication, compatibility, respect, integrity and honesty? How do we approach the relationship in regard to "sharing" one another with family and friends?

Religious beliefs - Do we share convictions and values regarding the important things in life; are our spiritual roots similar? Do we just tolerate, or do we encourage each other in our individual choice of lifestyle? Do we worship together willingly?

Sex - Do we share similar views on monogamy and or promiscuity? Does either one of us put any pressure on the other to compromise his choice in the matter of premarital sex? How do we feel about possible previous sexual encounters that the other may have had? Are we willing to change our standard in order to "keep" the other person? Is sex the focus of most of our time together? Are we both willing to wait until the commitment of marriage before giving ourselves to the other? Do we feel the right to insist on sex if the other needs to wait? Have we talked about our feelings in this area? Do we know within ourselves where we stand on this issue?

Trust - Can we trust the other person? Is either one of us often jealous when the other talks to someone of the opposite sex? Do we know each other well enough to trust the other? Have we seen each other in many different scenarios so we understand who the other individual really is inside? Has each of us been open and honest with the other so both of us know the real other person?

Time - Have we given the relationship enough time to develop so that both of us are comfortable with each other? Are we allowing ourselves to grow slowly and not rush into the next stage too quickly? Does our time apart help keep things in perspective for us? Do we give each other time and their own space?

Worldviews - Do we look at the world with similar beliefs and motivations. Do we value and respect each other's insights on life experiences?