|
|
|
Birthfathers' Rights and Responsibilities
Are home pregnancy tests reliable?
How can we find out if my girlfriend is really pregnant?
Home pregnancy tests are generally accurate but not always. Your girlfriend should see a doctor to be sure. Centers like ours can confirm her pregnancy and can help her find appropriate medical care.
My girlfriend is pregnant and won't discuss her plans. How can I get her to include me?
Your girlfriend may exclude you from her decision because she feels hurt and angry. You may need to reassure her that you care about her and the baby. If you are sensitive to her needs, she will be more likely to involve you in future plans. If it is mutually agreeable, visit an adoption agency counselor. Together you can make a plan for your child's well being.
Just because my girlfriend and I stopped seeing each other doesn't mean I don't care about my baby. She says if I want the baby, she comes along too. How do I handle this?
While it takes two people to start a relationship, it only takes one to end it. Adoption agencies can help you make a plan that takes care of the baby, even if the two of you can't agree on anything else. The more communication there is between you, the fewer complications there will be in your child's life.
How can I convince my girlfriend not to get an abortion? This baby is my flesh and blood...
You are wise to be concerned about abortions. A woman usually makes the difficult decision to have an abortion because she is afraid to face the pregnancy alone or to raise the child alone, especially if she doesn't feel supported by her family or you.
Abortion may seem to be a quick, painless way of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. However, abortions can leave long-lasting emotional scars, as well as possible physical problems. Abortion ends the life of an unborn child and may cause you and your girlfriend to experience feelings of grief, loss, and guilt.
As the baby's father, you have no legal means of interfering with an abortion, but you can encourage your girlfriend to talk with a counselor at a pregnancy center (1-800-395-HELP) about her options.
I want to be involved with my child, but I'm not ready to parent. What are my choices?
It is very painful to realize you are not ready to parent at this time. Marriage is an option; however, you must evaluate whether you would have married if the baby had not been conceived. If the baby's mother decides to parent and has custody, you can request visitations so you can be involved in your child's life. You and the child's mother may also consider adoption and together make a plan for your baby's future. You can have an open adoption where the adoptive parents are responsible for the baby but you both agree to keep in touch through phone calls, correspondence, and/or visitations.
Will I get to see my child if my child is adopted?
You can make arrangements to visit your baby before the adoption is finalized. Both you and the birthmother may want to spend time with your child. In an open adoption, you can meet the adoptive family, write a letter to your child explaining your thoughts and feelings, and give a gift for your child. You can request that photographs of your child be sent to you. The degree of openness in the adoption plan depends on your wishes and is agreed upon in advance by you and the adoptive parents.
Will my child know anything about me?
Adoption agencies ask for a complete medical and social history of you and your family. It is very important that your child know as much as possible about you. We strongly urge you to tell your child about yourself through a note, a photograph, or an audio or videotape. Your life story is a great gift to your child.
If adopted, won't my child wonder if I ever loved him or her?
Your child may have questions similar to this one. That's why it's so important to communicate your love through a personal letter, explaining that planning an adoption was a painful decision for you - a real sacrifice. Every child needs to feel wanted and loved from the beginning. When you know you are not ready to parent, choosing adoption means that you care enough to give your child every opportunity possible.
What legal responsibilities will I have if my girlfriend decides to parent? What rights?
In most states, if your girlfriend chooses parenting, you are required to pay child support until the child is 18 years old. Consult with an attorney or Child Support office to learn specific details about your rights and responsibilities, filing for paternity, and other legal issues.
Bethany Christian Services, "A is for Adoption", An Adoption Guide for Birthparents. 1998.
|
|
|
