Types of Adoption

• Birthparents often request that the agency decide which family their child is placed with.
• Birth and adoptive parents do not disclose any identifying information (names and addresses.)
• The adoptive family received information about the birth family's medical history up to the point of placement. There is no planned, ongoing sharing of social and medical information after the adoption is finalized.
• There is no contact between the adoptive family and birth family, such as sharing of photos and letters, or visits.
• Access to finding a birthparent is limited by law and must be by mutual agreement at the time the child is of legal age. The adult child must contact the state central adoption registry.

Advantages-

Total confidentiality is legally provided for adoptive parents and birthparents who desire this.

Disadvantages-

There is no ongoing exchange of information, other than a court-ordered exchange in the case of a medical emergency. As an adoptive child grows, he or she can have questions that remain unanswered. Confidential adoptions might make it difficult to gain needed information.

Keys to a Successful Confidential Adoption-

The greatest success is when the birthparents' and adoptive parents' desire for a confidential adoption is honored. Success is also enhanced when critical information regarding the birthparents' history is shared at the time of placement. Arranging a confidential adoption through a reputable agency makes it easier to gain information, mediated contact, and assistance, if necessary.

Semi-Open Adoption

• The birthparents choose a family from written, non-identifying material provided by the agency.
• An agency or third party mediates the contact between the parties before and after the birth.
• Birthparents and adoptive parents know each other by their first names only.
• Adoptive parents may be present at the birth and may have met the birthparents before the birth.
• All correspondence is sent through the agency or third party.
• Post-placement meetings are arranged and supervised by the mediator.
• Adoptive parents often share the child's pictures and letters with the birthparents, buy may also include gifts, videotapes, etc.

The advantage is that both families have the opportunity to develop a relationship over time. A semi-open adoption gives everyone the freedom to communicate with the assistance of a trained mediator. Perhaps the greatest advantage of this plan lies in the area of sharing information. In a semi-open adoption, current information can be passed on with ease, over time. A child's adoption story continues beyond birth, and his or her questions, can be answered as they arise.

Disadvantages-

At times, adoptive families and birthfamilies feel "married" to the third party.

Keys to a Successful Semi-Adoption

Trust is a key element of any enduring relationship. In a semi-open adoption, both families need to be sensitive to each other's position and establish a relationship grounded in trust. A third party or agency offers objectivity which can help to develop such a relationship. Birthparents need to trust that the adoptive family will love this child as if the child were born to them. They accept their role as defined by the agreement, understanding that they will be included in their child's life in some way.

Adoptive families succeed in this type of adoption when they feel secure that the birthparents are pleased with their selection and are ready for the adoptive parents to accept the responsibilities of parenting. A semi-open adoption is most successful when adoptive families are open to discovering how best to include birthparents in the life of the child.

Open Adoption

• The birthparents meet potential adoptive families before making their selection.
• The birth and adoptive families fully disclose identifying information (names and addresses) at the appropriate time.
• There may be ongoing contact in the form of: attending the birth of the child, attending physician visits together, visiting the home, gathering as extended family members during special occasion, etc.
• There is direct correspondence between the families.
• The families contact each other directly by telephone.
• There are face-to-face meetings during the child's lifetime.

Advantages-

Everyone involved in an open adoption communicates directly, without a third party. This alleviates the need to have communication pass through a mediator. This plan allows both families to nurture their relationship as it naturally develops. Information is shared more easily in an open adoption.

Disadvantages-

Sometimes adoptive parents and birthparents are uncomfortable with the level and type of family participation in the life of the child. There is also the possibility that the differing family styles and cultures may cause discomfort.

Keys to a Successful Open Adoption

Adoptive parents in an open adoption accept birthparent participation as a way to enhance their parenting and the life of their child, not to diminish it. Typically, they are confident enough to say "no" to birthparents without fear of jeopardizing their relationship with the birth family.

Birth parents who do well in open adoptions view their role not as parents, but as persons very special to the family. They are accepting of the entire adoptive family and build a relationship centered on what is best for the child. These birthparents are typically mature individuals who understand the need for boundaries. Often they are goal-oriented, looking for achievement in a direction other than raising a family. Open adoption is most easily understood in the context of an "extended family" relationship.

Each family situation is unique. Today's adoption plans offer options to meet varying circumstances. Confidential adoptions place privacy for the adoptive and birthparents at the center of the arrangement. Open and semi-open adoptions offer a dimension of intimacy that having a child together brings.

In any intimate relationship, interactions change over time. Think of it like this: in your own families you have members with whom you are very close and others who are more like acquaintances- there is greater distance between you. No two relationships are alike, and they develop and change over time due to new circumstances.

Every adoption has circumstances that help to define the parameters that will be best for the participants. Children thrive when the circumstances that prompted the adoption decision for their lives are shared with them to their fullest. Relations with some degree of openness seem to give adoptive parents the best opportunity to answer their children's questions most effectively. In open adoption plans, children grow knowing that they are loved by their family members- the parents who adopted them and the parents who gave them life.

From Bethany Christian Services: "A" is for Adoption", a guide for birthparents